Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
