quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
