I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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