How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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