I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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