no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
