I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
