Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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