man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
