So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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