Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
