How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
