it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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