so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
vagina is talking i cant
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
