dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
