I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
