You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
