it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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