You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
