Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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