I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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