i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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