i permit you to call me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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