three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have already put on my inside pants.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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