Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
