It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
