Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
