Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
