I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
