I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
