Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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