wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
