so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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