yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
