I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
