you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
