awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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