There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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