I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
