he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
