At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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