Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
