i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
