someone owes me an orgasm
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
