i don't like sucking hair
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
