my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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