I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
