so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
