I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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