I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
