Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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