I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
