I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
