Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
