"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
