Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
